How To Adult Without Really Adulting

We've all been there. One moment we're 18, ready to take on the world, and the next thing we know we're 20-something, waking up with the world's worst hangover (but we only had three drinks?) and we aren't sure how we're going to survive. We're constantly looking for adults to help us when plot twist: we're adults.

There's just one problem. Adults don't wanna help us 'cause they have their own shit to do and have been brainwashed into thinking we can handle things like making our own doctor's appointments (???) and remembering to take the laundry out of the dryer as soon as it's done so it doesn't wrinkle. Who said I was ready for this type of responsibility? Not I!

So how do we do it- adult, without really adulting? I've come to the conclusion that if you simply act like you have your shit together, other people will think you actually do. So even though deep down there's madness going on in our heads, outsiders will be jealous and/or impressed on how put-together and surprisingly o.k. we're doing. Here are some tips that'll help you fool everyone.

1. Always have coffee with you. And preferably Starbucks. Accompany your choice of crack, sorry- caffeine, with extremely fast walking and an "I have somewhere to be" attitude, and you'll look semi-important.

2. Have a planner. Whether you got stuck making your own appointments or your mom still loves you enough to make them for you, having them written down in a planner will help you visualize everything you have to do. Include everything in your planner: homework, appointments, and vacations. Seeing it written down gives you something to look forward to (even if it's looking forward to not doing your homework).

3. Own cute lounge/active-wear. Yup. This one is key for those mornings you wake up with the world's worst hangover but need to leave the house. Or when you're trying to take your usual "homeless" look to something more "homeless-chic". Throw on your Adidas t-shirt, a pair of leggings (or those grey joggers all you guys seem to have), and some cute sneakers and go handle whatever it is you need to handle. You'll feel like shit, but you won't look it. Big sunglasses and Advil also help.

4. Get a part-time job.  Or full-time, but that might actually be an adult thing to do. With a part time job, you need to have some sense of responsibility (and earn some $$$ to spend), but it's not as serious as a 9-5 career. Plus, you can use the "Sorry, I can't- I have work" excuse when someone you don't like wants to hang out with you.

5. Eat kale and tell everyone about it. Post it on your Instagram story, Snapchat story, and now Facebook?? story (tacky). Everyone who eats kale has their shit together (or at least it seems like it, and that's what we're going for).

6. Don't buy $5 wine bottles. I get it. A lot of us are still in school and have other financial responsibilities. But nothing, and I mean nothing, good will come out of a $5 wine bottle. Up your budget to $10. Leave boxed wine and Barefoot on the shelf and act like you know something about culture and semi-fancy wine.

7. Don't have a cracked phone. I'm not one to talk considering my screen looks like a roadmap with different paths all over it (cool simile right?), but for some reason, not one adult that I know has a cracked iPhone screen. It's weird. How do they do it?

8. Infuse your water. This one might sound annoying, and it probably is, but infused water has a shit-ton of benefits and nutrients that I won't bother writing here. Throw some cucumbers and mint in your water and go attempt to be an adult.

9. Wear pants. For some reason my generation hates pants, and I'm totally on board. But, if we're being honest, I guess there comes a time when you must decide to wear pants. Be an adult today and put on pants.

10. Work out. It's not that only adults work out, but something about being able to organize your time and fit routine work outs, school work, a job, and mental breakdowns all into your week makes me feel productive and put-together.

These are just a few things I like to do to make myself feel more adult-ish, even though I have no idea what the f*ck I'm doing. I kind of just imagine (and hope) everyone I know is on the same boat as I am, which also makes me feel a little better. Moral of the story: stop drinking *extremely* cheap wine, act confident while making doctor's appointments, and fix your phone screen. Although each crack probably tells a funny (and slightly forgotten) story, it's not adult-like to have a cracked screen.


Love always,

Your favorite semi-adult, NG